The paradox of personal development: when self-improvement becomes a trap

Personal development promises to help us become the "best version of ourselves". But if we keep trying to optimize everything, we can end up cut off from others and we trapped in an endless quest for performance. Conversely Mediterranean lifestyles and Blue Zones remind us of a simple truth: fulfillment is not found in self-obsession, but in community, moderation and the joy of small things.

Personal development is a great way to get your foot in the door when you're looking to achieve new goals, or solve certain problems. But it's also one of the of our societies today: the injunction to succeed and surpass oneself that it conveys can sometimes be turn against usand become an obstacle to personal fulfillment.

This article is a special edition of Blooness guidethe ideal food and lifestyle guide for humankind. It comes at an opportune moment, just as the section devoted to the Mediterranean dieta comprehensive guide to good eating habits and lifestyle reflexes. Mediterraneanand more generally Blue ZonesThese are the regions of the world where healthy life expectancy is at an all-time high.

Personal dev, more and more personal

The thesis defended in this article is paradoxical in relation to the Blooness Guide, which is intended to be a compendium of everything that could help us put the odds in our favor in terms of longevity.

But here's the thing: one of the essential components of the Mediterranean lifestyle, the one that explains why the inhabitants of certain Greek islands or remote villages in Provence or the Middle East live so long in good health, is precisely that belonging to a community.

And so the problem is posed: by embarking on new practices that are supposed to help us become the best version of ourselves, we can end up becoming... the worst version of ourselves for others.

Indeed, personal development brings together practices that aim to improve one's life - whether professional or personal - and achieve a form of self-realization. This may involve a new diet, a new lifestyle or new habits. This is all laudable, since the initial aim is to restore discipline to a sea of idleness, distractions and contradictions.

But the limitation is that these practices often require self-centeredin a a frantic race for efficiency and performance that is never satisfied. What starts out as a wish turns into an injunction. And therein lies the rub.

Performance dictates

By dint of being presented as a miracle solution, personal development is fast becoming an implicit norm. It's no longer just a question of getting better, but of getting better all the time. Always more efficient, more disciplined, more productive, more positive... until you lose all sense of it.

However, Mediterranean populations and those living in Blue Zones are not so obsessed. They live simplyIt's all about having a healthy lifestyle, but without turning your life into an Excel spreadsheet of goals to tick off, or steps to take.

Honeymoon and personal development addiction

It's true that when you first set up a new practice that works, it can become exhilarating and addictive. You enter a euphoric phase where anything seems possible. You say to yourself: this time, I've found the key. It's what you might call the "personal development honeymoon".

This is the case, for example, when starting a diet lowcarb Once you've adapted to ketones, your energy levels are at their peak, your hormones are back in action, your libido is back up, and you feel an overflowing vitality that nothing can stop. You think you've found the goose that lays the golden eggs.

Except that human beings are such that they always end up getting used to the good things, and the bad things. it's no longer enough to be fulfilled.

When the enthusiasm dies down, we immediately look for a new method, a new mentor, a new ritual.

The survival instinct usually leads us to set new goals in order to find fulfillment and meaning, which is a good thing in itself. It can then be interesting to set about doing so, but without becoming a prisoner of this dynamicIf you don't, you run the risk of being disappointed once you've achieved your goal, it can happen that you feel that sense of emptiness again.

New goals are very beneficial, but we must also be content with the path to get there (we'll come back to this later) and with simple pleasures, remembering that happiness is already the absence of misfortune.

In addition, these new targets should relate to what we want in our heart of hearts (a determinism to which we'll return later), and not to be imposed by the doxa (social networks, the diktat of performance and the injunction to happiness).

So, when it comes to self-actualization, it's important to think about what you want to doAnd don't follow the gurus, influencers and trendy new practices imposed by books and social networks, which are, like any industry, money-making ventures designed to sell a product or service. That's not a bad thing in itself, but you just have to keep that in mind in order to stay alert and objective.

Counterproductive over-optimization VS beneficial premeditated contingencies

One of the other shortcomings of personal development is that it can make us sometimes prevent us from experiencing the best moments of our lives, which are also often the simplest and most unexpected.

The desire to plan, rationalize and optimize everything leads to stifle spontaneity. However, it is often the unexpectedin the apparent disorder, that arise the best opportunities An unexpected encounter, an impromptu meal, an extended evening.

It's a subject we've already touched on in the Blooness Guide, and one that can be applied to a variety of fields. In economics, for example, optimization enables us to achieve economies of scale, but over-optimization exposes us to risks (lack of innovation and relocation of skills, to name but a few).

If we take up the concept of antifragility (Nassim Nicholas Taleb), an antifragile system benefits from stress, volatility and disorder It becomes stronger when exposed to shocks or uncertainty. In the field of nutrition, for example, certain plant compounds, such as polyphenols, have a similar effect when consumed in small doses by healthy people, they stimulate the body's defense mechanisms, strengthening its resilience.

And yet, by optimizing our diaries and always wanting to be in the right place at the right time, we leave ourselves unavailable for the little pleasures of everyday life, and sometimes even miss out on true lovewhich is often more likely to be found at the corner bakery than in a yoga class or at the latest fashionable party.

In Mediterranean cultures, the unexpected is not an accident: it's part of life. We know how to welcome a surprise guest, turn a detour into a party, and accept that not everything is under control.

One of the world's most beautiful songs, Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands, was recorded in a single take late at night. The musicians, not knowing when the song would end, regularly ramp up the orchestration at the end of each stanza, giving the whole that succession of tense feelings and moments of calm, in hallucinatory phrasing.

Without wishing to promote products that might "pirate" the creativity of certain artists, it's unlikely that this song would have seen the light of day as we know it today if Bob Dylan hadn't been in a relatively... meditative state.

Is the hygienism 2.0 that infects our societies today conducive to such a level of creativity and genius? Are the rigorously imposed circadian rhythm of life, and the recommendations urging us to have an irreproachable lifestyle, fully compatible with the elusive moments of happiness, feasting with friends, summer love and the rare moments of creative genius, whether artistic, entrepreneurial or simply free? Nothing is less certain...

When over-optimization becomes harmful

Cold showers, exercise, meditation and healthy eating are all beneficial practices to start with, which can become harmful when abused.

In fact, there are several problems with these practices when they start steering the ship for us, when they should only be our rudder:

• On the one hand, injunction to carry out these practiceswhich can make the individual feel guilty, and which we mentioned earlier.
• Next, overoptimization which takes the individual away from procrastination, moments of contemplation, chance encounters and the unexpectedWe've also talked about them in the previous section.
• And finally, this overoptimization can also be counter-productive in the pursuit of the original objective, because wear and tear prevents goal from being reached.

This last point can be explained very simply by an example: when practicing a sport, unless you're an accompanied professional and have the skills to do so, overtraining prevents your body from recovering, and diminishes your performance.

The same goes for fasting, which is beneficial but which, when pushed too far, becomes counter-productive.

Finally, when we overdo cold showers, endurance races or weight training, not only do we sometimes end up alone, but we can also drift away from our intended goal. Not to mention the neurosis that can result from this type of solitary discipline when practised to excess: it ends up making us act more like robots, obsessed with the pursuit of a purely self-centred goal, than like humans, who ultimately remain social animals.

Don't confuse intensity with rigidity

Let's be clear: success requires intensity, regularity and a form of determinism (what you're initially made for, and what you excel at). Nothing can be achieved without effort. But intensity does not mean rigidity. Discipline must serve the goal that drives us, not the other way around. Even if, to a certain extent, we must recognize that discipline must become a habit if it is to work in the long term.

But as in most cases, as soon as a practice becomes Stakhanovist, it loses its soul and essence.

In the end, excessive rigidity turns effort into a prisonAnd the rituals we impose on ourselves in a strict, unmitigated way become the chains we were trying to untie. And as in music, nuances, changes of rhythm and liberties taken with the tempo, are the reliefs of existenceThese are the subtle shifts that transform a daily routine into a lively, inhabited landscape. This is why it's important to take a measured approach to self-imposed discipline, which can become a driving force rather than a reason for living.

Don't confuse means with objectives

One of the times when personal development becomes counterproductive, is when discipline becomes the goal, and no longer the tool for achieving a goal.. That he imposes things on us to do, rather than helping us to accomplish things.

If, when you're offered a social moment with friends, you systematically prefer to do a sports session, not because you feel profoundly more like it - although even in that case, it's debatable - but because you don't want to. but because discipline requires you to do this sessionAnd even though it's not your job, and you have no competition to prepare for, it may be time to ask yourself whether personal development hasn't become a prison for you.

It's a question of working on yourself (perhaps with a dose of personal development, in fact) to know how to get things done. without having to impose them because it's been written down somewhere, or recommended by a guru, especially as it's difficult to keep going over the long term on the basis of this motivation alone.

The path is happiness, and happiness is not a tangible goal.

This is perhaps the greatest trap of personal development: believing that happiness is a destination. Yet all wisdom traditions, including those of the Blue Zones, remind us that happiness is not an end goal, but the path to it. It's lived in the everyday, in the little things, in the quality of relationships, in balance, as long as misfortune is at a distance.

Conclusion: putting water in your wine

Deep down, the secret lies there: putting water in your wine... and sometimes, enjoy a glass of wine in good company. Moderation, conviviality, simple pleasure: this is what makes the difference between an over-optimized life and a truly fulfilled one.

And in the meantime, if you want to sprinkle your more or less fulfilled life with good food and lifestyle practices, all in good intelligence, simply browse Blooness Guide articlesto help you make the most of your chances of success. live as long as possible in good healthnot because it's an end in itself, but rather because it's a way enjoy your loved ones, and be creative, enthusiastic, curious and efficient in your projects, for as long as possible!